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Healing from a Miscarriage

February 18, 2014

“God has you in His arms, I have you in my heart.” 

This is a difficult experience for me to write about, but I think it’s important since it can be such an uncomfortable topic for so many women, and understandably so.💔

It’s also kind of therapeutic as I approach what would have been my due date, so please bear with me.

First of all, I never, EVER thought that miscarriage would be something I would ever have to deal with.  Steve and I were so HAPPY to finally be pregnant with baby number two!

So basically the second you find out that you’re expecting you start dreaming and planning.  We had names picked out and I already started looking through my newborn boxes in the basement.  Every trip to Target ended with me buying tons of unplanned adorable purchases, infant onesies, tiny diapers etc.

And then, there’s the thrilling first trip to the doctor where you hear the little ones heart beat.  We went when I was 12 weeks along.  I would sadly learn after this that 14 weeks is the important number to make it to.  I’ll never forget looking at the ultra sound video, seeing my precious little boy…except he wasn’t moving. I waited and waited for him to move, for a heart to beat.

Steve says he’ll never forget the expression on my face when I finally realized what was happening.

After losing my baby, I didn’t know what to do with myself.

A million things ran through my mind. I’ll never forget my sweet little angel.

I feel the need to share a little encouragement for those of you who are may also be hurting through this horrible experience.  For those of you who are lost and embarrassed to ask the questions I wanted to ask and had to find out on my own.

1. Hold your head high.

You owe no one an explanation as to what your pregnancy plans are after this!
You’re in survival mode, and not everyone is going to understand this.  
Whether you try again right away or wait a year or never try again at all is your personal decision, and no one else’s business.  Family included. 

2. Do not feel guilty. 

I couldn’t stop thinking, “what did I do?” or “maybe that sip of wine before I knew I was pregnant…”
Stop. Please. 
This way of thinking is SO wrong!
The bottom line is you’ll never know why until you meet your baby in heaven someday.
But your baby loves you at this moment, God loves you at this moment.  And that is enough!
Don’t feel guilty, instead focus on how happy your little one is in the arms of Jesus..  
Someday you WILL see your little one again! 
3. Burial is an option
If you choose and are able, you can bury your baby.  
Some women can’t handle this and choose not to, and give their little ones over the the doctors, which is good option and can be emotionally easier for them then making arrangements.
However no woman should ever feel guilty for not wanting to hand over their baby to the hospital.
One hospital asked my friend what exactly she planned on doing with “it”
– this is wrong on so many levels!
Cemeteries often offer free or little cost burial for unborn babies and children. 
Some women plant a tree or rose bush in their babies honor.  
Whatever you do, or have done, don’t allow feelings of guilt to enter in.
ITS YOUR CHOICE!
Heaven’s Gain makes beautiful coffins and memorials for little ones through all three trimesters.
4. There are support groups.
I personally didn’t go to one, my husband really was my rock during this time.
But for those of you who are feeling alone:
Connecting with other mothers who share this experience can help you heal!
I enjoyed reading from the My Baby Angel Foundation – mybabyangel.org

5. Don’t live in fear.  

 St. John Paul II said beautiful words:  “Be NOT afraid!”
Fear is a big part of this experience…I know.
Fear should have no place in our lives and our decisions.
And if we fear, we are forgetting God’s LOVE for us!
When or if you are blessed with another baby, don’t live in fear.  
Enjoy every second of that pregnancy all the more!
So don’t live in fear.
AND…If you can’t get pregnant right away…that’s ok too! 
Don’t live in fear!

For whatever reason, I really enjoyed having something physical on my bedside to remind me of my little baby.  This might not be for you, but here are some links to different Etsy shops that sell beautiful pieces of jewerly and or little tokens to help you through the process:

Hand Stamped Seal
The Midnight Orange
Danielle Joy Designs
Hearts in Your Jewelry
Cause and Affect

Remember this experience will make you a stronger person! So stay strong, don’t fear, and keep on living in love.

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Comments

  1. James Milliken says

    November 5, 2015 at 3:50 am

    Thanks for sharing this painful experience, Charlene. My wife has also suffered through miscarriage, and Philipians 4:13 is one of her favorite scripture quotes. God Bless!
    -Jim Milliken

    Reply
  2. Charlene McGuckin says

    November 5, 2015 at 3:51 am

    Anne! I'm so deeply sorry for your immense loss. What a beautiful little angel you have watching over you…never forget that. Many prayers and much love from Steve and I to your family.

    Reply
  3. Anne Daniel says

    November 5, 2015 at 3:51 am

    I lost my son at 39 weeks. Most devastating thing that has ever happened to me.

    Reply
  4. Charlene McGuckin says

    November 5, 2015 at 3:51 am

    Thanks so much for sharing your beautiful story…it gives me hope that i'll be able to have another some day 🙂

    Reply
  5. Jacqui Skemp says

    November 5, 2015 at 3:51 am

    Beautiful post. I came here via the link up. I also lost a baby to miscarriage. The list you created is so good! Especially the first three. I had people asking me days after I found out that my baby had died what our plans were for future babies. I still had my baby in me! I'm so glad that I had strong people around me to provide support. We were also really fortunate to have friends who told us about burial options. A local parish just north of the Twin Cities offers free burial services for miscarried babies and infant deaths. It was such a blessing for us to have a place to lay our sweet babe to rest.

    I too felt like my due date brought a sense of closure. That was September of 2012, and a few weeks later I became pregnant with my now 8 month old son. He has been a balm for my soul. Prayers for you as you experience this anniversary. It's so bittersweet to have a little saint in heaven.

    Reply
  6. Kristin Loboda says

    November 5, 2015 at 3:51 am

    Thank you for this. Beautifully written.

    Reply
  7. Tess says

    November 5, 2015 at 3:51 am

    Oh, Charlene. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    My mom has had 5 miscarriages, and ever since I was a teenager, I've both expected and feared that eventually I would also go through a pregnancy loss someday. It gives me hope to know that there are resources out there and ways to cope like the ones you mentioned.

    It takes courage to share painful stories, but I think it helps everyone involved to talk more openly about these things. Thank you so much for sharing this post.

    Reply

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Hello Lovely!

I’m a Jesus follower, wife and mother! Here I write on my love of beauty, traveling, the sea, Catholicism, art galleries, hobbits, dark chocolate and Disney magic!

Welcome to my tribe, so glad you are here.

Love, Charlene

 

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