This is a difficult experience for me to write about, but I think it’s important since it can be such an uncomfortable topic for so many women, and understandably so.
It’s also kind of therapeutic as I approach what would have been my due date, so please bear with me. 🙂
First of all, I never, EVER thought that miscarriage would be something I would ever have to deal with. In my mind it only happened to other women. Other women lost their babies, maybe because they were unhealthy, maybe because they did something wrong during pregnancy, or maybe just because.
But just other women, definitely not me.
Steve and I were so elated to finally be pregnant with baby number two. We announced it right away on the blog here.
As you know the second you find out that you’re pregnant you start dreaming and planning. We had names picked out and I already started looking through my newborn boxes in the basement. Every trip to Target ended with me buying tons of unplanned adorable purchases, infant onesies, booties, tiny diapers etc.
And then, there’s the thrilling first trip to the doctor where you hear the little ones heart beat. We went when I was 12 weeks along. I would sadly learn after this that 14 weeks is usually the coveted number to make it to. I’ll never forget looking at the ultra sound video, seeing my precious little boy…except he wasn’t moving. I waited and waited for him to move, for a heart to beat.
Steve says he’ll never forget the expression on my face when I finally realized what was happening.
After losing my baby, I didn’t know what to do with myself. A million things ran through my mind. I may have healed physically, but emotionally I think there will always be a scar. You never forget that sweet little angel.
I feel the need to share the very small bit of wisdom I’ve gained for those of you who are hurting through this experience. For those of you who are lost and embarrassed to ask the questions I wanted to ask and had to find out on my own.
1. Hold your head high.
2. Do not feel guilty.
5. Don’t live in fear.
For whatever reason, I really enjoyed having something physical on my bedside to remind me of my baby. This might not be for you, but here are some links to different Etsy shops that sell beautiful pieces of jewerly and or little tokens to help you through the process:
Hand Stamped Seal
The Midnight Orange
Danielle Joy Designs
Hearts in Your Jewelry
Cause and Affect
God, for whatever reason, allowed us to go through this to make us stronger. I don’t think it was truly His will for us to lose our children, but I do think it’s the result of living in a fallen world. Thankfully we know Christs resurrection IS the real thing, and that someday we will be reunited with our little ones again.
So stay strong, and keep on living in His love. <3